Letter to the editor: PepsiCo’s response

Zeroing in on the Lemon-Lies

By Pepsi Intern Informants

It’s recently come to the attention of PepsiCo. that a Cleveland State Theorist has discovered the secret of the disappearing Sierra Mist. As informants, we are here to confirm your suspicions. 

We thought that slowly purging campus vending machines of the beloved lemon-lime soda would fly under the radar and become nothing more than a remnant of the past. We had to begin removal after hearing rumors of incidents where minds were blown when drinking Sierra Mist! 

It’s clear that the sensational flavor of our lemon-lime soda is too strong, even for a Viking. We believe that the effects of Mountain Dew Zero are far more suitable for energy and concentration throughout the school day and night. 

We began replacing them in the hopes that students would begin to embrace that the existence of Sierra Mist was a Mandela Effect, but our fatal mistake was not realizing that the “refreshing, reliable, and visionary” soda flavor was still being offered in coolers and at soda fountains across campus. 

The campus food service has been on to us from the beginning. Refusing to accept the power in the flavor of Sierra Mist, they have continued to discreetly offer it on campus.

The thirst for Sierra Mist is growing as students, realizing what they are missing, are trying to find that elusive and unmatched refreshment before it is too late. 

Our plan to promote the equally thirst-quenching soda, Mountain Dew Zero and Pepsi Zero, was to lead students into loving a new flavor, yet some have remained loyal to the effervescent, lemon-lime duality.

We’ve taken into consideration your complaints, but we aim to divert. In order to instill a love for Mountain Dew Zero and Pepsi Zero, we’ve created an incentive for students to overlook Sierra Mist once again. 

When students come back from Spring Break, select vending machines around campus will have bottles of Mountain Dew Zero and Pepsi Zero marked with a special label. 

Each specially marked bottle will be a winner of one great prize (Air Pods, Xbox, or a Nintendo Switch Light). Lovers of conspiracy, be sure to keep your eyes peeled for these machines and winning bottles. 

You may find yourself bringing home a prize far better than unlocking the secret to the Sierra Mist conspiracy. However, for students who still need their lemon-lime fix, be on the lookout for appearances of Sierra Mist in select places on campus and at student events.

Be sure to follow us on Instagram and Snapchat @refreshing_csu, and Facebook and Twitter @RefreshingCsu for contests, conspiracies and more. Stay hydrated and Zone in on Zero.

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