This chemical is in everything, even your organic food

Disclaimer: This is a satirical piece.

By John Eppich

Dihydrogen monoxide is now all around us. This chemical has been the source of millions of deaths around the world.

Over consumption can lead to vomiting, seizures and even death. Yet no one seems to be concerned about it being in everything we eat and drink.

I am quite surprised that with the constant debate over GMOs and other non-organic foods being sold in the grocery store that no one is talking about dihydrogen monoxide.

The molecule has a similar composition to carbon monoxide, for which every house is required to have an alarm to alert when levels are too high due to it being a highly toxic gas.

Dihydrogen monoxide also contains hydrogen, which can cause horrific chemical burns if not contained properly.

Add that to oxygen’s high flammability and its cancer-causing effects, and you understand why it is important to check what it is we are eating and drinking every day.

The chemical, just like carbon monoxide, tends to be clear and is odorless and tasteless unless mixed with another substance. It can appear as a liquid at room temperature, but it can also be found as a solid or a gas.

The government has been very poor at handling this situation. People are dying every day from exposure to dihydrogen monoxide causing suffocation. People are literally drowning themselves because of this chemical.

Forget gun control. We need to act fast about this epidemic. Dihydrogen monoxide has been found in lakes, rivers, ponds, underground and even in the air we breathe. It’s even been found in rain drops and snow fall.

The worst part is there is no country currently in existence that has ever discussed the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide.

President Donald Trump has not even tweeted about it. There is no discussion about the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide anywhere.

There needs to be some sort of warning on every food product that contains dihydrogen monoxide. The chemical can be seen in snack foods, vegetables, fruits and many other foods.

Dihydrogen monoxide is often sprayed on vegetables and plants to make them grow faster and larger, despite having toxic effects on humans and animals if they overdose.

For anyone who wishes to keep themselves safe from dihydrogen monoxide and its toxic effects, look out for deceptive labeling.

The label will often times say “water” instead of dihydrogen monoxide.

Be sure to also contact your local  and state representatives to let them know how toxic “water” actually is for the population.


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