Browns complete improbable undefeated season

Disclaimer: This is a satirical piece.

By Adam Schabel

A laughing stock no more. The Cleveland Browns are on top of the sports world.

With an end of the season win against the Pittsburgh Steelers, their arch rival, the Browns capped off a perfect 16-0 season.

“I can’t even believe it,” Browns head coach Hue Jackson said. “The fact that we just became the fifth team in National Football League (NFL) history to have an undefeated regular season is incredible.”

The Browns played their best season in franchise history. Their previous team high in regular season wins was 12, which was achieved in 1946, 1947 and 1986.

Browns rookie quarterback DeShone Kizer is also in disbelief.

“Coming out of college and this being my first NFL season, it’s amazing,” Kizer said. “It’s something you dream of as a kid, so for us to have this type of season, it feels great.”

It appears that the Browns have finally found their franchise quarterback in Kizer.

The team hasn’t been able to find a reliable signal caller since they returned to the NFL as an expansion franchise in 1999.

Cleveland has had 27 starting quarterbacks since then.

Going 16-0 also means that the Browns won’t be drafting in the top 10 for the first time since 2008.

“This season was really incredible, and I can’t wait for the playoffs to start,” Browns left tackle Joe Thomas said. “The Browns have had a history of losing for a long, long time so I am glad we were able to break out of that rut and have a successful season. The fans deserve this more than anything because they have stuck by us for years.”

There were rumors that Thomas was considering retirement after the season, but he shut that down quickly.

“I am not going to retire, especially because of the season that we just had,” Thomas said. “This team now has a solid foundation, and I believe we will be good for a long time.”

This is an incredible story for a Browns team that has compiled a record of 89 wins and 200 losses since 1999. The team has also had nine head coaches, eight general managers and two owners since then.

The rapid rate of turnover has impacted the team negatively, and now it seems that they will have consistency going forward on the sidelines and in the front office.

“I feel very good about the direction that our team is headed. We have built our team from the ground up into a winner, and our fans deserve it,” Browns Executive Vice President of Football Operations Sashi Brown said. “They have stuck by us through thick and thin and now have a team they can enjoy watching. We still have a lot of work to do in the playoffs, but for now, the fans can enjoy this moment.”

This rags to riches story is like no other. A team going from 1-15 the season prior to 16-0 is a turnaround for the ages.

Browns fans now have a product that they can enjoy watching. Something they have been craving for almost a decade is now a reality.